Across Cultures

Culture shock upon moving to Switzerland? From another country in Western civilisation? Yes, it happens, more often than not. And it’s okay! If you did not experience any sort of questioning or unease (it does not have to be as strong as shock) it would mean you were detached from your experiences, not allowing yourself to be moved by them.

However, I am always amazed when talking to expats in Switzerland at how different their reactions can be. There are some who exclaim how grateful they are to be living here and extol the positive side of Switzerland and the Swiss, enumerating all the things they like. On the other hand, there are those who deplore the day they, their spouses or their company suggested a move here and will moan about all of Switzerland’s negative aspects and the difficulties they encounter. Of course, most are not quite that extreme and are a little more discerning. The main difference remains, though: the ones who are unhappy focus on the difficult encounters, and the ones who are happy focus on what they like.

Below I mention some of the situations that many expats find baffling, uncomfortable, strange, incomprehensible, and even hurtful, upon first moving here. Then I will give you a set of four questions that I have recently come upon that will give you the power to make your stay here in Switzerland a pleasant, exciting experience that will expand your horizons.

Language is certainly a difficult topic, as not all Swiss, especially in the smaller towns or villages, will speak or understand English. Some of the Swiss are more gracious than others about you not understanding, let alone speaking, their language and will go out of their way to find someone who can translate. If you had studied German in school or as a preparation for coming here, you are in for another surprise. Swiss German and German are two different languages: Swiss German is not a written but rather a spoken language, and all children have to learn High German when entering first grade.

It might be very difficult for you as a wife and mother if your husband goes off to work every day, leaving you to fend for yourself at home, without the comfort of co-workers. You have to find out where to shop for what, and depending on where you live the shops might close at lunchtime for 90 minutes and close for the day by 18:30. At the butcher’s or meat counter you might be bewildered by the different cuts of meat here, especially if you come from the U.S., Canada or Australia.

If your children go to public school, they typically come home for lunch and have one afternoon off, usually Wednesday. Extracurricular activities might be able to be organised through the school, but these are mostly up to the parents.

Formality: young and youngish people are less formal, calling you by your first name and the familiar du. The older generation is mostly quite formal, calling you by your last name and expecting the same from you, also using the formal Sie. This also holds true with teachers, doctors and community offices. Swiss usually only invite family members, good friends and long time acquaintance into their homes, unless they have lived abroad.

The main complaint we hear from visitors is that we are unfriendly, distanced or even standoffish. We on the “inside” would call it discreet, private, and polite. A distance is maintained, unless – and this is a big unless – they find you lacking. Let’s say you live in an apartment building and have not cleaned the communal laundry area to pristine cleanliness, or you leave your children’s toys in the driveway, or play music a bit loudly after 22:00. Your neighbour will have no qualms about letting you know! They say they mean well and want to help you fit in. Well, maybe. If it’s any consolation to you, there are also Swiss who find this trait difficult, and more than one comedian has made a sketch about it!

Now, how to deal with all of that? From anthropologists, I have learned that observing, being curious, and going beyond judgment make life in another country and culture a fascinating experience. (My favourite anthropologist is Edward T. Hall; if you encounter one of his books, like The Silent Language (1959) or Beyond Culture (1976), grab it! His books are most helpful and enlightening.) And when it becomes just too difficult – because it is really different from expectations and way outside your comfort zone – ask yourself the questions below, which I have recently come across. One final tip: when you have a challenging encounter with someone, take a deep breath, exhale slowly, lean back and do not take it personally, whatever it is. It is not about you, it is about the other person.

The other day I listened to an interview with a man called David Breslow. He observed that whenever we find ourselves uncomfortable with a person or situation we often make a judgment about the person, the behaviour, or the situation, to make ourselves feel more comfortable. Or we judge ourselves. I can certainly attest to the truth of that, I have to admit! And we all know that in the long run, judgments are never really helpful. As a powerful tool, Breslow suggests the following four questions whenever you find yourself judging a person, his or her behaviour or a situation:

1. Is this really true? For example, you judge that a person is unfriendly, even rude; his actions are impossible, and the situation is unbearable. Whatever your answer, yes or no, ask yourself the second question.

2. Does this interpretation cause me stress or calm, make me uptight or relaxed, happy or unhappy?

For the third question you need a little more creative and compassionate thinking:

3. How else can I interpret this person, his action or the situation? It will not change the reality but it will change your reaction to it. Some examples: change your interpretation from, “The doctor is so haughty,” to “His manner was taught to him at medical school.” From: “My neighbour always meddles in things that are none of her business,” to “It is her way to show me how it is done here and help me fit in.” Yes, no doubt it is often a challenge.

And now to the decisive question:

4. Which one will I choose? To be calm or stressed, relaxed or uptight, happy or unhappy?
It is up to you.

You could ask yourself the same four questions whenever you find yourself thinking or saying: they should…, it should…, I should…, etc.

I myself have found these four questions to be a powerful tool and hope that you, too, can make good use of them whenever you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Now that you are powerfully equipped, I wish for you that you will belong to the happy bunch of expats who experience their stay here as an enriching and expanding time, and that you will open your heart to us with all our quirks and shortcomings and can thus enjoy the variety and beauty of Switzerland. Many Swiss, I know, are ready to offer the same to our visitors and guests.

By Christina Hurst-Prager

Christina Hurst-Prager, mother of three, grandmother of nine, is Swiss and has lived in the US and UK. She is the author of a small book for parents on the crying of children, and she is in the process of translating it into English. in addition  to breastfeeding counselling she works as an Emotional Freedom Practitioner (EFT) in her own practice.

Illustration by Suzanne Evans-Ackermann