Being the brilliant expats that we are, we move around a great deal, geographically speaking. This can leave us wandering between lands and cultures feeling untethered and a little lost. We talk about “where we are” in the geographic sense but have no idea where we actually are in time and space. Is this a symptom of being an expat or does it point to something else? I would like to propose something entirely different and ask the question that is not “Where are you in the world?” but rather, “Where are you seated? Are you seated upon your Throne, comfortable with your sovereignty?”
Most of us are not.
To sit upon your Throne is to be completely seated within your own power. You fully occupy your own land, your kingdom, which is you. This means that you are totally comfortable within your own skin and can stand anywhere in the world and be at home. It is the essence of resilience. Another word for this state of Queen and Kingship is the art of being balanced: you are firmly rooted and cannot be knocked off that balance. Knowing where you stand is quite a rare quality in this world.
The sovereignty of one’s self over one’s self is called Liberty. – Albert Pike.
How to sit fully on your Throne.
So what is this strange Throne of which I speak, and how does one learn to sit on the darned thing? Let’s face it: most of us are barely present. We may be occupying space in the physical world, but we apologise for our existence and apologise for inconveniencing anyone and everyone. We have abdicated our Thrones. We are lost within thinking about the future or replaying memories from the past. Both internal (thoughts) and external (social media and newsfeeds) mental chatter dethrone us daily. We become scattered. Such a lack of focus means that half of us can’t even find our Thrones, let alone be seated upon them!! We are lost in the Wastelands of the Fisher King from Arthurian Legends, searching for a location to define as “home.”
You can be a thousand different women. It’s your choice which one you want to be. It’s about freedom and sovereignty. You celebrate who you are. You say: “This is my kingdom.” – Salma Hayek
I invite you to play with this idea, just as a court jester would, as “jesters do oft prove prophets” (Shakespeare, King Lear, Scene 3). As you play, you will start to notice when your attention is knocked off by the internal or external world. Notice how that feels: isn’t that absolutely exhausting? When your attention is not so fragmented, you get to keep more of your own energy. You start to occupy the space in which you stand and discover your Throne (Oh! That’s where I left it!). You know where you are in the world as you become more present, focused and aware of the moment. You are not sending your energy into the past or future with worried, anxious, scared or even pleasant dream-like thinking. You occupy your body fully and you bring all that you truly are into the moment.
Own your power and be aware when, and where, you are giving it away. For example, in writing this, I have allowed myself to be unseated from my wish to express myself in this article, as my Facebook account keeps pinging me! Note that I use the word “allowed,” as Facebook did not do this to me! No! My thoughts about checking on how my friends are (I do love them!) then created the physical action of checking my account. I allowed it to happen, as I am a Queen: I have the power. To believe otherwise: that the power of The Facebook is greater, is to give Mark Zuckerberg my power. Putting it in these silly terms makes it obvious! You are the only one who can give your power away. You, and only you, must accept the responsibility of discovering where your own sweet self has wandered off to, rather than demanding that someone give back what they have not taken.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. – Eleanor Roosevelt
From Sovereign to Dictator?
Many of us are scared of our own power. Especially within our family situation, as we worry that we will become dictators rather than Kings and Queens. Our fear is expressed in this quote: “Dictators free themselves, but they enslave people” (Charlie Chaplin, “The Dictator”). Dictatorship happens when we try to elevate ourselves above others, usually at the behest of our egos. This fails every time! When we obey and feed our egos we are serving another master and have been, yet again, unseated from our Thrones! We cannot truly abuse our sovereign power as, by recognising our own sovereignty, we must also recognise everyone else as her or his own sovereign. We are all Kings and Queens but we simply do not know it.
My crown is in my heart, not on my head.
Not deck’d with Diamonds, and Indian stones;
Nor to be seen: my crown is call’d Content,
A crown it is seldom kings enjoy. – Shakespeare. King Henry VI, Part 3
How to be a King or Queen!
- Make sure to get physical exercise: Your body is your throne! Look after it so you can fully live there. Sport, yoga, martial arts, energy work and massage are recommended. Fully allow your energy to move and flow!
- Observe how you carry yourself. How are your posture and movement in the world? Do you move with dignity? Do you fully show up in the world or merely try to fit the mould of others?
- Observe how you behave around others. How often do you change your behaviour to attempt to please or get approval from others?
- Observe how much energy you give to others’ problems and dramas. Can you care and help without losing your balance and grounding?
- Have you discovered your true will – your wants that lie beyond the chatter of thoughts and the drone of the needs of the ego? This is knowledge that only you, truly seated in your power and fully present, can discover.
- Do you have a daily meditative or mindful practice? Are you aware of your thoughts pulling you away from yourself?
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. – Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”
….and if we start to take ourselves too seriously: wear that tiara!
By Tammy Furey
Tammy eases the expat parenting experience through coaching and teaching throughout Switzerland.
She also writes, blogs, gives talks, does the washing, doesn’t hoover enough, and parents Missy M, her daughter! Find out more at www.fureycoaching.com.
Illustration by Bvisual.
Beth (“BVisual”) graduated from university after studying visual communication, specialising in illustration. She’s has been working as a freelance creative and undertaken projects such as the V&A Illustration Awards in London. Beth has projects involving portraits and editorial illustrations under her artist’s name BVisual.